Recent memorable hashes

Pub Crawl Hash - 5 September 2009

The scribe can barely think of words to recap this hash (the scribe can barely REMEMBER the hash). For once, there were no complaints (well, the 2+1 beer special did nearly induce Scribe-Vomitus Escapus). This may go down in history as The Greatest Hash Ever. If you missed it, you missed it. The run started out ominously when Boston attempted to run down the parking attendant (well, that was his version of what happened)- and so a car full of hashers drove up to park while there was a full blown Israel-style screaming match already in progress. Exciting! The pack burst into a quiet bar on a Saturday afternoon, shot some pool, harassed the locals and ran to two other places. Swing Low was sung in front of the door to Molly Bloom's, Maria stuck to her wine order despite the entire bar screaming words of shame at her. In the 2nd half, a mutiny was lead by Dear Leader, Border Bitch, who helped the group decide that they didn't want to follow the blobs, but rather run directly back to the circle. Susan drank from her shoe and Boston and Fatty Tatty bought all our drunk asses snacks for the down downs. Some hashers went out afterwards- they all woke up to regret that decision on Sunday.

Photos from the Pub Crawl Hash can be seen on the H4 Picassa site

Toga Run - 8 August 2009

The pack met at their favorite corner in Kohav Hatsafon bedecked in togas and laurels (aka, bedsheets and plants). The circle was recycled from a few runs ago and the pack learned a new word in English: Equidistant. As in, the first and second halves were equidistant from the start. Hooray! Vocabulary! Anyway, on we ran in our togas, some carrying horns, others with sabers. There were photos taken by people in cars, a cyclist nearly fell of his bike gawking and other sundry calamaties. Dyke.Cum had numerous outfit changes- her toga changed into a dress, a long scarf and a sexy criss cross top. She didn't think to use a stapler or safety pins to keep it on. BlingDong took a phone call and told his son how to bake a cake, Semen decided to chat with her personal trainer while on the run. The beer meister brough enough grog for 50 hashers, which was good, because despite our numbers, we were damn thirsty. At the equidistant halfway, the group sang a new song and enjoyed some ouzo, courtesy of Tal. A dad and his toddler watched the group warily, but weren't so freaked out that they left the park. We'll try harder next time. Desperate Housewife crawled across the finish and sprawled into the flour... We also named Bernadette, that woman who gave birth to Border Bitch... welcome to Rowtard. Shhh! rumor has it, after the on on, one hasher drunkenly crashed their bike. Only the bruising will give them away.

Photos from the toga run can be seen on the H4 Picassa site

Run Number 800 - 1 August 2009

The large pack assembled at Alexander River for run number 800. The hashers were a spiffy looking bunch decked out in their new brightly coloured shirts. The t-shirt clearance sale continued out of the back of AIDS' car- beware, she's really gotten addicted to this. Who knows what she'll sell next week... despite the tricky directions we all made it to the circle on time for once.

The pack ran through soft sand, fields full of prickles, more soft sand and more fields of prickles. Again, blood was drawn. Along the way we lost Desperate Housewife and Wet Pussy who shortcutted to join the walkers for the first half. At a hold Goldmember hid behind a bush to take a wee, only to find Dyke dot cum capturing this private moment on film. Sexy!

The hashers were a thirsty group once back at the circle and mild irritation almost most turned to full blown riot when White Pointers failed to appear with the magic key to the beer. After an eternity the beer arrived, was consumed, ran out and the pack grumbled some more. One beer per hasher is UNACCEPTABLE! At the circle, In and Out was a sight for sore eyes. The fashion backwards hasher made a statement when he tucked the sides of his short shorts into his jocks and donned a tea-towel on his head. The down down beers (tasting more like a cup of tea than beer) burned a few mouths on their way down and we learnt all about spotty dicks. We bid a fond farewell to Penis Pan and headed off funeral procession style to Tals' parents place for a swim and a delicious BBQ feast. Thanks to Tal and his family for agreeing to host the on-on, we are not expecting to be invited back.

Check out the pics from run number 800! H4 Picassa site

Hash Weekend - 9-11 June 2009

Ahh the hash weekend, how time flies when you're being eating alive by mosquitoes, woken up at 4am by some yobbos playing yahtzee and drinking the most delicious, cheap booze found in the holyland. The pack met up on Friday, staked their claim at Dor Beach and set up camp. Friday evening led to a 7pm hash set by Penis Pan. His run took people through the fields, through drainage ditches and around the kibbutz. Complaints were few and far between, which was highly unusual. After the run, a feast of biblical proportions was held- animal sacrifices courtesy of Hinawi and lots of salad. After dinner, the party took a boozy turn out to the beach, there were guitars, men flexing their muscles in their bathing suits and a late-nite swim. Saturday morning was less painful than other hash-weekend mornings and Meirav Iron-Cheffed up some amazing shakshuka and breakfast for us. Diablo and Swamp Monster decamped for Tel Aviv, but the rest of the group stayed strong. After chardonnay with breakfast, everyone went out to the beach for the Israeli National Petanque Championships (unofficial, mostly men's division). Desperate Housewife brought the addicting game and set up a round robin. Long Horny got a sunburn in the shape of a diamond on his back, and Caveman slept in a nearly obscene manner in his budgie smuggler under the sunshade. In a tragic turn of events, the RA twisted his ankle quite severely while running like a psychopath out into the ocean to take a leak.

The afternoon hash started late, mainly because we were all sunburnt and drunk. For a few minutes there, the scribe thought the hash would be called off in the name of more drinking. It was not. LongHorny and Dyke.Cum set a creative hash with a scavenger hunt, a swim out to the island and a competition for the most creative trash found on the hash. This competition was judged by the walkers, and while they gave points to Fart Smeller for pushing a tire the whole way back to the circle, and CrocSucker for touching someone's cast off used undies, the cake was taken by the (ahem) women's product found god only knows where. After everyone stopped vomiting from the sight, they went out to a fancy shmancy dinner in Zichron. More eating, more drinking, people went home, some campers stayed for another night of restless sleep in cheap tents (or maybe just the scribe).

Photos from the weekend can be seen from the H4 Picassa site

Red Dress Run - 4 April 2009

The pack arrived from near, far, and the beach across the street. Some hashers drove proudly to the hash in their outfits, others shamefully hid their glorious dresses under gigantic hooded sweatshirts, much the way a redneck teen would hide a pregnancy. The pack was harassed by the paparazzi from Ynet while applying lipstick to men, women and children-alike. Hashers ran in tutus, bridesmaid dresses, 1980s power suits and ballgowns. A child's kiwi hat was used as both a hat and a codpiece. There were fishnets, garter belts, knitwear leaving nothing to the imagination and lots of non-breathable fabric. It should be noted that the RA chose a dress that was not very flattering for his figure and may be reported to "What Not To Wear".

The pack took off like a bat out of hell, causing many to wonder whether they were being chased (they were, by the photogs on the motorcycle). It also became apparent that 95% of Tel Aviv residents have a camera on them at all times and they were content to step into the pack's path to snap a photo of the red blur. The halfway was a cause for celebration with Carlsberg, thanks to a cooler hauled with child-labor provided by Swamp Monster.

Along with the numerous stares, shouts and wolf-whistles as they ran down every main boulevard in the city, the H4 finally realized their spiritual home: The Hare Krishnas. The red-clad hashers whirled, clapped and shook it to the tune of Hare Hare Krishna and tambourine. They then formed a tight pack to run home and sing hash songs... this lasted for about 2 minutes, til yet again, they were out of breath. At the On In hashers scattered, some nearly colliding, trying to find the fastest way back to the circle. Beer was drunk, outfits were modeled, photos were taken.

Photos from the hash can be seen from the H4 Picassa site

Ynet did a really nice video of the run, noting that, as Israelis tend to take their sports very seriously, they seemed mighty perplexed by the stampede of “Ameri-kookim” tearing down Rothschild Boulevard.

Proof that the Red Dress Run made the papers!

This is from "24 Minutes" - the free paper they hand out on the train.

Hashing in Haifa with the UK navy - 28 March 2009

We assembled in the parking lot at Cinema City. Russian Bride made a surprise appearance. We loaded the bus with beer. We speculated about the drinking capacity of sailors. We then loaded more crates of beer until the boot was full and off we headed to Haifa (via Ein Hod).

We arrived at Gate 5 of the port and were greeted by our fellow hashers, Russ and Rob. Lengthy discussions with security ensued. Eventually we were granted entry. Once all the big kids finally let the tour progress past the helicopter, we were given a wonderfully informative tour of HMS St Albans. Fart Smella asked a lot of questions. Twin Peaks got distracted by the man in a towel in the bathroom. Captain Caveman made himself comfortable in the captain seat on the bridge. And for those who were just hanging to learn more about 'supercavitation', further information reading material can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ VA-111_Shkval.

After a quick lunch, we regrouped at Gate 5 and circled up with 50 plus sailor boys and girls. The hares, Russ and Rob, explained their peculiar marking system. We checked it out. We ran. We stopped the traffic. We had eggs thrown at us from windows above. There was a minor altercation with a passing motorist. The driver soon realised that he was slightly out numbered one to 70 and wisely decided to drive on. A crafty trail led us back to the main (and only) drag with watering holes three times. Us hashers learnt a few new terms like ATM and 'shave off'. Captain America and his stooges questioned the wisdom of their hot synthetic suits after a couple of those famous Haifa hills.

We returned to the Gate 5. We had a few beers. We circled up. We had down downs. It got a tad rowdy. We decided that we didn't like the hares' names so we put Russ and Rob on their knees which many of the crew had waited years to witness. We welcomed Lil' Nurse and Sea Cock to our Hash family. The drunken mob descended on them with beer and flour. Order was not restored. The boys drank us dry. So we loaded back on to the bus. Crock Sucker gave them a parting brown eye out the window. Deliverance entertained us (as usual) with a rendition of 'Rolling' by Tina Turner. We had a desperate pit stop at McDonalds during the journey home. Every tree in the parking lot was occupied by a hasher.

Special thanks goes to Lil Nurse, Sea Cock, our RA Wet Pussy and Ass RA Fart Smella who pulled this event together which will be talked about for a long time to cum.

Photos from the day can be seen from the H4 Picassa site

""Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

- Dave Barry